I've been constantly reminded by my friends that I am a very friendly person, and everyone (almost everyone) likes me... I am never (almost never) alone. I am always surrounded by friends and family. But there are times I feel that I don't have that one person, everyone boast about, to be their own... Only and only theirs...
I don't know what made me update this stupid entry, but I guess these are the things this blog is for anyways...
I am a happy single person... I've always been. It was and is my choice, reasons are numerous and I cannot mention them all... I never regreted it (neither I do now). But there are times when I feel lonely, I feel to be with someone... Someone I can be happy with... And sometimes I think that behind all those reasons of not getting into a relationship there is one coward person in me.
I won't say I never had a crush on anyone... As a teenager and as a normal straight girl 😜 I had my share... But I never dared to dwell in that arena of relationships. Some were friends, I had to strongly suppress my feelings for them, some were just batch mates and I avoided them too (for the unspeakable reasons) and some were just random people I don't want to talk about. Well there were moments I got carried away and instead of just talking to those people I actually did share a lot. And before I could take control of situation we were regularly talking on phones or texting on regular basis not like couples but we did not remain "only friends" either. Nothing serious had happened or I should say I never let anything serious happen ever. Every time, anyone among my crushes, would show signs that our friendship is going towards a new zone I would remind them, "stay away" "we are just friends" and "nothing more is there for you to expect from me".
I kept doing this to everyone and some times people tried to cling and sometimes they left and eventually they all had to leave. Boys do this... Well I won't blame them... If I am not letting them reach anywhere why would they walk with me... No one would...
I was hurt many times in the procedure... But I was so confident of my plans and I was so happy about not letting anyone of them get slightest bit of hint that I ever was interested...
And then came HE...
No! you stop there... It's not a story of my "Prince Charming"... Neither it ends well...
It all began with my friend Alankrita teasing me by his name, you know friends do that. She has had done this many times and every time I was capable of brushing those teasing aside... Well this was different...
He came like those "Heroes of teenager-chick-flick movies" and then began the old cycle of me getting infatuated and ignoring the person, then trying not to focus on him and eventually accepting that I like him to myself and to Alankrita... Well the cycle was supposed to continue and let me get out of it without letting him know what I feel for him and letting me continue with my routine...
But...
Destiny brought two of my very great friends in the scene (Boss and Rahul this is sarcasm 😠)... Well like all my other crushes I discussed about this one too with my friends... I would laugh and I would make fun of my own self in front of them. This time they took it very seriously...
Now thanks to Rahul and Boss... He knows. Well initially I thought it's no big deal to me but then I realized...
This is new...
I've never felt this before. Facing someone who knows I like him...
Let me tell you something... I am sapiosexual, I fall for intelligence not face. But he is steamingly handsome.
I have no idea at all why I got attracted towards him??? 😣 may be because Alankrita was already teasing me by his name or may be because he is actually a nice person... Or may be it was my destiny.
But now he knows for sure that I like him and thanks to Rahul and Boss he might as well think that I tried to propose him, (which I did not 😣) and I am that dumb girl who's mad for him 😒(I am not😥).
He knows nothing of me at all... Me the smart one, who used to act so well that no one could've ever found out what's going on in my havoic brain.
But he thinks he knows...
I know this will pass, I've gone through worse. But it's very torturing right now.
I am clinging to that saying Jain would repeat every time, "out of sight, out of mind"
I am waiting for him to get "out of my sight"... Rest would be done by time...
I don't know what made me update this stupid entry, but I guess these are the things this blog is for anyways...
I am a happy single person... I've always been. It was and is my choice, reasons are numerous and I cannot mention them all... I never regreted it (neither I do now). But there are times when I feel lonely, I feel to be with someone... Someone I can be happy with... And sometimes I think that behind all those reasons of not getting into a relationship there is one coward person in me.
I won't say I never had a crush on anyone... As a teenager and as a normal straight girl 😜 I had my share... But I never dared to dwell in that arena of relationships. Some were friends, I had to strongly suppress my feelings for them, some were just batch mates and I avoided them too (for the unspeakable reasons) and some were just random people I don't want to talk about. Well there were moments I got carried away and instead of just talking to those people I actually did share a lot. And before I could take control of situation we were regularly talking on phones or texting on regular basis not like couples but we did not remain "only friends" either. Nothing serious had happened or I should say I never let anything serious happen ever. Every time, anyone among my crushes, would show signs that our friendship is going towards a new zone I would remind them, "stay away" "we are just friends" and "nothing more is there for you to expect from me".
I kept doing this to everyone and some times people tried to cling and sometimes they left and eventually they all had to leave. Boys do this... Well I won't blame them... If I am not letting them reach anywhere why would they walk with me... No one would...
I was hurt many times in the procedure... But I was so confident of my plans and I was so happy about not letting anyone of them get slightest bit of hint that I ever was interested...
And then came HE...
No! you stop there... It's not a story of my "Prince Charming"... Neither it ends well...
It all began with my friend Alankrita teasing me by his name, you know friends do that. She has had done this many times and every time I was capable of brushing those teasing aside... Well this was different...
He came like those "Heroes of teenager-chick-flick movies" and then began the old cycle of me getting infatuated and ignoring the person, then trying not to focus on him and eventually accepting that I like him to myself and to Alankrita... Well the cycle was supposed to continue and let me get out of it without letting him know what I feel for him and letting me continue with my routine...
But...
Destiny brought two of my very great friends in the scene (Boss and Rahul this is sarcasm 😠)... Well like all my other crushes I discussed about this one too with my friends... I would laugh and I would make fun of my own self in front of them. This time they took it very seriously...
Now thanks to Rahul and Boss... He knows. Well initially I thought it's no big deal to me but then I realized...
This is new...
I've never felt this before. Facing someone who knows I like him...
Let me tell you something... I am sapiosexual, I fall for intelligence not face. But he is steamingly handsome.
I have no idea at all why I got attracted towards him??? 😣 may be because Alankrita was already teasing me by his name or may be because he is actually a nice person... Or may be it was my destiny.
But now he knows for sure that I like him and thanks to Rahul and Boss he might as well think that I tried to propose him, (which I did not 😣) and I am that dumb girl who's mad for him 😒(I am not😥).
He knows nothing of me at all... Me the smart one, who used to act so well that no one could've ever found out what's going on in my havoic brain.
But he thinks he knows...
I know this will pass, I've gone through worse. But it's very torturing right now.
I am clinging to that saying Jain would repeat every time, "out of sight, out of mind"
I am waiting for him to get "out of my sight"... Rest would be done by time...
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