Tuesday, 22 December 2015

I know you loved me...

Dearest of all my Nani Amma,
I know you loved me, I know you had the coolest and best plans in your mind. I miss you, whenever I look at that pic of yours all I get reminded of, is your presence on that diwan... And I go down the memory lane...
I used to visit your home, the true home of yours, where you used to pet a sugga (parrot), he would not eat until you would feed him and you had had a balcony and on that balcony we kids used to perch like little birds on a giant mother-of-all tree, you were that mother-of-all tree and we are your seedlings... Without you we have no alma matter to go back to 😔.
We used to watch you nurse those decorative plants that you had planted in small gamlas (earthen pots) and we would watch you water them... Where are they gone nani amma?
I miss that house badly, where during every summer break we would visit with all our families like migratory birds do during seasons of migration and you would embrace us all. That house, where on the terrace one can see millions of kites floating and kids shouting "bhak-kate", where the chhadd (iron rods used to cover open spaces for lighting and ventilation) would scare the hell out of me when I was a toddler, where the monkeys were welcome in your room all the time, where during the summer afternoon we would drop the curtains and close the doors and switch the lights off to lay on the floor which was as cool as heaven.
And during nights we would go on terrace where you would decide who is supposed to sleep where and who is to use what sheets...
And when the dawn will break all of us will run to your room clutching sheet in one hand and pillow in other so that we would not miss our place but as soon as we would come downstairs we would see all places are already taken... Still somewhere we would accommodate and it would always be cozy... No doubt your room was personified... It had space equivalent to your heart ♥.
And those gup-shup (chit-chat) of kids in the evening and those gup-shup of grown-ups in the night... And you were always there... Everywhere.
Where is that house gone, where you used to live, where you used to reside?
I knew a grandparent's importance because I had only 'you' and I cherished every moment I spent with you and I'll cherish it all my life.
You were so proud of your kids and grandkids and why should you not. The courage you've displayed and your efforts are salutary.
I always wanted to be like you, the bold and ahead-of-her-time Nani Amma. From every ailment to every virtue I link myself to you. You being so open and so independent as a thinker, I learned so much from you and I still do. You were and would always be a source of inspiration for me and many others...
I know Nani amma you loved me and you loved us all, I want you to know that we loved you too and would keep loving you...

In the loving memory of Noor Jahan Begum... Who was everyone's "Nani Amma"

I wrote this two years back... But today I wanted to give tribute to Nani Amma on the day of her demise, I could not think of anything else... Miss you Nani Amma... 😔

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more...

Sometimes you seem like an illusion that my brain has designed, unreal, imaginary… how can I like someone this much, without never ever prop...