I've been posted to Medicine ICU from this month for 15 days and today when I went there I felt like an idiot initially... Well you gotta feel that in every posting for initial days.
Anyways I was posted with Dr Tony and Dr Aijaz (they are JR 2 and JR 1 respectively)
They are good I mean they did not make fun of me when I was fumbling in doing anything... Well I did not fumble actually, I just heard 'check bladder' once when Dr Aijaz was asking me to 'check planter'.
I know that's funny... He did give a guffaw too.
Then when I became a little acquainted to the environment and comfortable with ICU Dr Tony asked me to put ryle's tube in a patient on bed no 9. I did and then we (me and another intern) started to take every patient's BP and Pulse that patient on bed 9 went in asystole and the paramedic students called Dr Tony he performed CPR and intubated her. But couldn't revive her...
It was my first loss... Not mine actually...but I haven't seen anyone die before... Yes it's astounding that I've been posted as intern for 6 months and till now not a single patient died in front of me... When my friends used to tell me that they saw a patient die today I was like... 'How does it feel like?'
But you know what they say... You can not realise until you feel it yourself.
She was lying there... Dead as a log... Just few minutes ago I was putting ryle's tube in her she was alive and then she was dead... She died right in front of me... I looked in her eyes and her pupils were dilated and Dr Tony asked the wardboy to call her relatives... I couldn't stay there cause I felt really awkward. I couldn't understand what and how would I answer any question if they would ask... What would I say... So I left and started recording BP and Pulse of other patients...
What was strange that I had so apprehensions about what would I feel when I would see someone die... And it happened so quickly that I could not even register that she's dead. I don't know how I felt... And now I know why anyone can't describe how they feel when someone passes in hospital... They don't know how they feel...
