26 Aug

Heya!
I am a very gentle person, I am usually incapable of shouting at people, when I see my seniors shouting at patients and their attendants I feel bad... Sometimes in labour room(while I was posted in obs and gyne) when I used to explain patient or their attendants anything in detail my JR's would say,"why are you waiting so much of time, they would keep asking if you would keep explaining." but I used to personally feel that patients should be explained everything so that they can weight their options...
But you know that phenomenon of how you learn while you do... I realized some of the lot deserve a little tough talk... But you can not be rude to people all of a sudden, the transition took place slowly in me... Now I tell patients what they required to know... I don't cry afterwards when I see a very sick or poor patient (once I could not control my tears in front of the patient who was polio affected and was in labour... But that's another story) and I've improved my explaning skills, which includes telling patients enough that they can get there job done and not fuss much.
Today a patient came and told me that he's been vomiting since morning and no other associated complaints, Senior Medical officer was standing there and he asked me to write his prescription. As patient was not having any Vomiting at that time sir thought of giving him a pantop shot and refer to medicine.
I wrote it down and gave him his emergency opd slip...
After a while the patient came with a guy who was enquiring about why did I gave him pantop, I was like ''why do u care?" and he just bored me with illogical questions and comments stating that the patient suffered a bleb at the site of injection... "I said you go and talk to SMO"
He went there and exaggerated the bleb into swelling... I opposed then he said it was a large swelling but now it has reduced, I lost my composure and said, "isn't it fine that it is reduced in size now??" a little frustrated...
When the guy was gone... My JR told me... He's your senior in pathology department...
I was taken aback for a while... Then SMO sir cooled me down saying "he's ainwai person"
All I had said meant that, reduced swelling is a good sign and should not make them worry. But I guess my attitude ruined it all...
He's not too much of important person... But there can be... First of all I should not have been saying stuff when he was talking our SMO, second I should've explained him why I had written that prescription...
Anyways... Days done and gone... See what happens next...😜

23 aug: story of a boy - part 4'

It's been said that if you let your heart decide your path, you would never lack will power... That seemed untrue to that boy 👦 he was unsure whether he has lost it or he never had it... That thrill of exploring and expanding... But now he had another mission, he wanted to discover that kid of his dreams... Whenever he would see him he would feel as if this kid is answer of all of his questions... But how to sail if you do not have a compass and how to trek when you do not have a map... All he knew was about his destination...
Often he would wake up with a start in a new terrain with foreign people he would ask himself, "where am I?" and no answer could come forward... His restlessness grew more and more and he ended up depressed with a feeling that he would never discover who the boy is...
Hopelessly he traveled back to home 🏡... Like a kid after losing a game...
He had glimpse of knowledge on his face but no sign of content. With a lot of hullabaloo he reached to the threshold of his house, looked around recalling the long old days he had spent in imagining how his travels around the world would be... He looked at the fence where he would sit with his friends and talk endlessly about his passion... He saw the old playground where he had kicked his last breath out while playing games with his friends... And there was this lake... He reached there to wet his hands with the water and the memories it had enclosed... There he was standing by the lake looking at his reflection and a voice he heard
You need not to seek answers... You have to discover it...
And in tha moment he knew...
'He is that KID'
All those years he spent wondering what world outside would be?... What pleasure it beholds?...
All he craved was for the thrill and passion...
But his soul and his mind resided where he started from...
And in that moment, at that second, he was thrilled beyond his imagination...
He was content now 😇

22 aug: 'story of a boy - part 3'

Remember that boy 👦?... The boy who wanted to live that all and do that all...
He did do that all... Well alot was still remaining to be done but that feeling of I-know-it's-not-what-I-desire was already setting inside him... He would go to new places, meet new people, make new friends and would do all those new stuff for the sake of doing... He would ask himself same question every night... "where am I headed to?" and the answer was reverberating in his head... The endless silence... He began to question his conquest... The need of doing what he was doing. All he explored and all that he had gone through seemed to be vain and pointless... One day in his dreams he saw a kid... Playing in a dirty ground among kids who were just like each other... In background he could see a pond covered by moss... And he woke up.
He had a strange sensation within him as if something new has happened... He felt filled with new energy and enthusiasm... He could not comprehend it but he just new that it was something good...
Everywhere he went afterwards the monotony of the voyage was, no doubt, accompanied but every now and then he would dream about that kid sometimes strolling by a road, sometimes playing with friends, sometimes just staring back deep in his own eyes...
He was confused as well as mesmerized by this kid... All he wanted now was to meet this child of his dreams. But life doesn't unfold the way we want it to... But yes it would one day... That was his hope... And ours too...

21st aug

My internship has begun and I am posted in emergency department for 15 days
Today when I went for my evening posting it appeared to be a usual boring casualty day... I spent some time in MO room, filled some forms, made some entries, took some BP's
And then came a patient... a teenager boy... No more than 13 years age... A constable was with him and he told us that the boy is a sports college student (swimming) and he has been sexualy abused by his coach...
I was taken aback... I looked at him and I got reminded of the time when the same boy had come to ortho ward when he had pain in his fingers... He was a cheerful champ..
Infact the consultant at ortho OPD had a little chit chat about his school and schedule...
My senior asked me to take his BP and Pulse I asked him to accompany me to another ward where we had a BP instrument placed ... I asked him ''How's your finger?" ... He looked at me ... I said, "you came to ortho OPD, the 'haddi vibhaag"... He said, "yes, it's fine now" I asked "have you come alone or some batchmate is with you?" he replied "no I am alone"
Then while his MLC was being made by my seniors, they asked about the time and nature of assault. He told them it was six days back. Then he was asked why he waited so long, He replied ''my coach told me that he would get me expelled if I would tell this to anyone so I Went back home." when sir asked that had he told his parents about this ... He said "I have no parents"
I thought ...oh this poor kid... He hoped of comming to this place(which is considered a big hub of sports) and try hard to be a good sports person... But this world of vultures and dogs... They would eat every bit of hope that a person can hold to to go on...
I was disgusted