Those days are back... I dream all day, day dream, about stupid stuff... about impossible stuff... I told myself, 'this time it would be different, this time I'm ready, prepared and mature... But you know, you are never mature enough...
Have you ever felt like this, all day, millions of knots in your stomach, that feeling, that stupid, stupid sensation, it gives you a high, a high that's not existent at all... You spent entire day hogged by a single thought, a stupid, idiotic thought, a thought that wants you to surrender... but you've never surrendered... and you will not this time too... you spent entire night waiting for that one thing that one moment, that stupid, fleeting moment... that never comes and you wait... and when the dawn breaks in through the window, you sigh, 'another day to kill'...
I used to feel I become uninspired during this time, I would watch stupid movies, read stupid book (no, sorry books... you are never stupid) and watch stupid videos (like this time), but I think I become more inspired and wired, I spent days imagining, thoughts flow, with millions of possible conversations... thoughts and conversations, which never had occurred... which never ever might occur... I link things to each other, events from past events from present... events from 'yesterday'...
I'm inspired, I'm just miss-directed...
That feeling I get, that tiny hope of future, it gives immense pleasure... for that tiny moment, and as soon as that thought comes over, and tries to give me pleasure, another, very genuine thought follows it, and supervenes... tells me, 'Oh! you stupid girl!'
I know its something I have no power over, no control... The 'storm' enters when it enters... Agitates everything, torns everything apart, dismantles each belonging of mine... But through this hustle and bustle , when I feel most vulnerable, I hear a voice, 'Storm will do what he's best know for... turn you upside down, You do what you are good at, pick yourself up, when the storm is gone and begin again... build, flourish, grow... outlive that 'storm'... Like you always do...'
I know I'm feeling low today, I'm depressed, stressed, tensed and down for a reason, There is no denying to the fact that I've been all these things in past, and I might be these things in future too...
I make mistakes, I regret decisions, I go crazy over stuff, I act stupidly, I feel like a fool... for short few days... sometimes longer 'few days'... but they are always 'few'.
But then I outgrow them, those 'few days'...
I've been smart too, talented, adored by people, and liked by peers, I've been loved and taken care of, I've been sharp and witty, and I've been happy and content... and this have lasted more than just 'few days'
I get reminded of that song of Anya Marina,
"I'm gonna burn and shine and multiply... and when I'll do you're gonna see me in her eyes!!"
Yes... I might seem 'Miss Halfway' today... but I'll reach the end... One very fine day
I used to feel I become uninspired during this time, I would watch stupid movies, read stupid book (no, sorry books... you are never stupid) and watch stupid videos (like this time), but I think I become more inspired and wired, I spent days imagining, thoughts flow, with millions of possible conversations... thoughts and conversations, which never had occurred... which never ever might occur... I link things to each other, events from past events from present... events from 'yesterday'...
I'm inspired, I'm just miss-directed...
That feeling I get, that tiny hope of future, it gives immense pleasure... for that tiny moment, and as soon as that thought comes over, and tries to give me pleasure, another, very genuine thought follows it, and supervenes... tells me, 'Oh! you stupid girl!'
I know its something I have no power over, no control... The 'storm' enters when it enters... Agitates everything, torns everything apart, dismantles each belonging of mine... But through this hustle and bustle , when I feel most vulnerable, I hear a voice, 'Storm will do what he's best know for... turn you upside down, You do what you are good at, pick yourself up, when the storm is gone and begin again... build, flourish, grow... outlive that 'storm'... Like you always do...'
I know I'm feeling low today, I'm depressed, stressed, tensed and down for a reason, There is no denying to the fact that I've been all these things in past, and I might be these things in future too...
I make mistakes, I regret decisions, I go crazy over stuff, I act stupidly, I feel like a fool... for short few days... sometimes longer 'few days'... but they are always 'few'.
But then I outgrow them, those 'few days'...
I've been smart too, talented, adored by people, and liked by peers, I've been loved and taken care of, I've been sharp and witty, and I've been happy and content... and this have lasted more than just 'few days'
I get reminded of that song of Anya Marina,
"I'm gonna burn and shine and multiply... and when I'll do you're gonna see me in her eyes!!"
Yes... I might seem 'Miss Halfway' today... but I'll reach the end... One very fine day
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