Hmmmm.... I had no idea that something would happen like this with me... It might be not a big deal when seen as a third person but when it fell upon me I felt like back stabbed... this is one of my diary entry back dated, it just occurred to me that I can put it down on my blog, well I don't want to put his name in public so I am changing his name by "Pinku"(its not his real name)
Here it is ... bout of my emotion... "anger+sadness"...
Date-9/9/12; Sunday; 10.30
Dear Pinku, I need to talk to you. A really important lesson of life was being taught to me by you today. "Don't mess with people who play politics if you are not good at that". Thanks a lot!
You are huge, striking with something as huge as you would definitely hit me back, this fact must have been known to me.
I know we are on a row since we came here(saifai) in some way or another (our 'cold war') but after these years of being and pretending to be good to each other made me imagine (I really did imagine because 'thinking' would mean reality in some or another way and everything was fake about that) that somehow that wall of rivalry has fallen down, that the ice was broken by my efforts of hey-don't-get-too-close-or-in-opposite-direction-with-him. But I think, to you what matters is 'YOU'. I am thankful to Lord that I have a sound mind that makes me find a space for word 'you' in my diary of life for you and others and not pre-occupied by 'ME, I, MYSELF'. I actually feel pity on your condition, your sickness and mania of 'self obsession'. I feel pity on "Chinku"(His girlfriend, obviously name changed) too, she is feeding your ego that is finally going to eat you up from within.
It was never and would never be a matter of importance over Dr. Vikas Singh sir, that what I felt and how much my sentiments (which would be presented as my ego in front of sir by you) were hurt, but what matters to me is what Dr. Vikas sir would have been thinking about me.
No doubt I was humiliated the time it happened. Not by you sir by me, myself. The whole bunch was present over there (I won't name them). What I felt humiliated by was my incompetence of not-letting-this-happen. If I would had recognized that 'EGO' would make Pinku stab me this hard, I would have never hurt his 'EGO'.
People might think why its such-a-big deal for me. To that question my answer is, it is! It is important because (it might seem flattery, but that's my pure heart truth) there are few people in my life who are important to me enough that I don't want to be in their list-of-bad-names, Dr. Vikas sir is among those few people.
To Pinku 'you can fool me - once' after then you would have an impermeable wall of high decency which won't let you reach to Zoha again.
From now on I am taking the higher roads, I would respect you, for which you are hungry, don't worry you do what you are good at and I'll do what I am good at
At the end thank you very much for this valued experience of mine!
I don't know what was right to do at that time but this diary entry relieved me a lot. Some of the matter is edited by me cause I don't want to make issue really apparent, this might seem kiddish to some people but I don't care... I am a human and allowed to feel disgusted and thus allowed to express it...
:(....
(this was the worst experience of mine in saifai till now that I mentioned in previous post)
Here it is ... bout of my emotion... "anger+sadness"...
Date-9/9/12; Sunday; 10.30
Dear Pinku, I need to talk to you. A really important lesson of life was being taught to me by you today. "Don't mess with people who play politics if you are not good at that". Thanks a lot!
You are huge, striking with something as huge as you would definitely hit me back, this fact must have been known to me.
I know we are on a row since we came here(saifai) in some way or another (our 'cold war') but after these years of being and pretending to be good to each other made me imagine (I really did imagine because 'thinking' would mean reality in some or another way and everything was fake about that) that somehow that wall of rivalry has fallen down, that the ice was broken by my efforts of hey-don't-get-too-close-or-in-opposite-direction-with-him. But I think, to you what matters is 'YOU'. I am thankful to Lord that I have a sound mind that makes me find a space for word 'you' in my diary of life for you and others and not pre-occupied by 'ME, I, MYSELF'. I actually feel pity on your condition, your sickness and mania of 'self obsession'. I feel pity on "Chinku"(His girlfriend, obviously name changed) too, she is feeding your ego that is finally going to eat you up from within.
It was never and would never be a matter of importance over Dr. Vikas Singh sir, that what I felt and how much my sentiments (which would be presented as my ego in front of sir by you) were hurt, but what matters to me is what Dr. Vikas sir would have been thinking about me.
No doubt I was humiliated the time it happened. Not by you sir by me, myself. The whole bunch was present over there (I won't name them). What I felt humiliated by was my incompetence of not-letting-this-happen. If I would had recognized that 'EGO' would make Pinku stab me this hard, I would have never hurt his 'EGO'.
People might think why its such-a-big deal for me. To that question my answer is, it is! It is important because (it might seem flattery, but that's my pure heart truth) there are few people in my life who are important to me enough that I don't want to be in their list-of-bad-names, Dr. Vikas sir is among those few people.
To Pinku 'you can fool me - once' after then you would have an impermeable wall of high decency which won't let you reach to Zoha again.
From now on I am taking the higher roads, I would respect you, for which you are hungry, don't worry you do what you are good at and I'll do what I am good at
At the end thank you very much for this valued experience of mine!
I don't know what was right to do at that time but this diary entry relieved me a lot. Some of the matter is edited by me cause I don't want to make issue really apparent, this might seem kiddish to some people but I don't care... I am a human and allowed to feel disgusted and thus allowed to express it...
:(....
(this was the worst experience of mine in saifai till now that I mentioned in previous post)
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